My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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