he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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