Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
