You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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