oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
