You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
