told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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