Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Congratulations! We have a period
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
