I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
