I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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