SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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