dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
