lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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