i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
