He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
