That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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