Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
