i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
