I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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