i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
