Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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