i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
