so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
