Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
