My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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