Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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