She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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