I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
