Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
