Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
