Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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