Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
