I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm getting married
To pizza
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
