He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
