Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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