Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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