I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
