I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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