We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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