i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
