So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
