I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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