i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
