girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Pooping to opera.
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