so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
