I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
