Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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