god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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