if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
