First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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